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07 November 2019

My anxiety.

I often wonder how much I should share, or not in this blog. If you follow it, you might have or not, notice that I had a long period of silence. Yes, life happens, and time turns away from you,  but it was also more than that. I was unwell. To be quite honest, I am still unwell. I would prefer that my blog would remain lighthearted, that showed mostly the good times, also our ordinary times, that in the end are all that matter. But I also want it to be very real. This is my blog. It also is my voice, and today, not quite sure why, I need to share this. I need to write it down.  I need to share how difficult it is for me sometimes to leave the house. To get out of my bed. How my mind endures constant infighting.  This is my anxiety. This is how unwell I am.

I have always been a very anxious person. But, until two years back, I handled it. I recognised the specific situations that were causing it, whether a presentation, a report. Of course these specific situations would cause a normal degree of anxiety, it is normal until.... Until I could no longer handled it alone anymore. Until it prevented me to do normal tasks. After my young Baby boy was born, I endured one of the darkest moments of my life. I was diagnosed with post-natal depression and anxiety. I needed help to get on living a normal life. I experienced moments where I could not leave the house. I would not go into the supermarket. Spaces with more people where unbearable. I couldn't face anyone. 

Only specific tasks would force me out of the house, the pick up and drop off times from the nursery. I had to self refer myself to get help, and the NHS offered me sessions with a therapist, CBT. It helped me a lot then, helped me face some of the fears that I had, and mostly gave me techniques to resume a normal life. Unfortunately these sessions where limited, it as we all know in the UK the NHS has limited resources. And so, today, I am on my own facing my anxiety. Actually, this is not quite true, as I face my anxiety, so does my family. When I am enduring my hiding away periods, my family is also affected. I am quite aware of it: "Mummy what is wrong?" "Mummy has a pain in the chest and in the head" "Get well mummy". "I will." I am so very painful aware that I don't face this alone. 

In my past sessions I could face what was affecting me at that time, I could recognise what was triggering my anxiety at that the time, it  was very specific (however, I am not quite ready to share what was causing it). Today, I am noticing that my anxiety comes without warning. I don't recognise a specific trigger. My anxiety, my fast breathing, my chest pains come unannounced. I now become anxious about getting anxious. I am having panic attacks now, and I am anxious about having these panic attacks. Yes, my anxiety has grown in time. I still have the same techniques to face it, however as my anxiety now has grown more, I feel that my techniques and exercises  to help me coupe with it are insufficient. I have scheduled a meeting with my GP to get more help. In the mean time, let's just live one day at the time. Keep hoping that today I am stronger than my anxiety, and that it will not force me into a corner of my bedroom. Hoping that I will be able to walk out in the street and enjoy this day of sunshine without that pain in my chest. That is just a pain. No, it is not a heart attack. You had your electrocardiogram done and it was fine. 

My anxiety is crippling. It takes all inches of my racional thoughts and drowns you in seas of pure panic and fear. And you have to gather all rational thoughts inside you, one at the time, to erase this fear. It's a pure fight of two minds inside of me. My anxious mind, and me. I have to do all the time. Sometimes I win. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I hide in bed, the only safe place, and sleep, to free myself of my unwell ness. And with that I also free myself from the happiness the keeps happening downstairs. The laughs that I also am missing. Because when I revert to this half living state, at the same time my life is being stolen from me, and I hate it. I hate it that my anxiety is stealing me from playing with my children. I hate it that I can't regroup my thoughts and focus just on their laughs. In the past that was possible, now it isn't. I remember when my youngest was born and I struggled,  I could focus my mind on his breathing, and that would free my mind form my unhelpful thoughts. Now, these are stronger. Their voices are heightened. My voice appears to be weakened...

One day at the time. The sun is out and I can feel a gentle warmth in my body. Anxiety is at bay. Let's hope that today I don't have to hide from myself. I will pick my children up, and go play with them in the park. The sun is out, and we will enjoy this sun, and have fun. Today I will focus on that. Hopefully, anxiety today will not win.

01 November 2019

We went on a BIG ghost hunt!

I hope you are enjoying your half term break and had fun this Halloween! 

During this break I did struggle to have imagination and fill all this week with activities to do with with the kids.  Luckily, around Southampton  ' Go Southampton' is offering a city 'Ghost trail' for families to enjoy around the Old city centre. So, that was one morning sorted with more ghost hunting fun! You can enjoy this activity until the 3rd of November (find more here).

As Ghost hunting, or treasure hunting is indeed something that my kids really enjoy to do, I could not miss a ghost hunt  around Southampton. We packed a quick snack lunch bag and off we went, ghost hunting! Map on hands.... and lets explore the old city centre and find all the lost ghosts...



This Ghost hunting involved searching ghosts in several specific spots, 11 altogether and a mysterious last one. There are many venues collaborating with the trail, as the points where the ghost are hiding.   These are local pubs as the 'Duke of Wellington' and main touristic attractions in the city, as 'Tudor House'. The Tudor House was also the origin from where all the ghosts escaped...




We could easily find many families following this ghost trail.  At any given ghosts point children were searching and locating the  various 'lost ghost'.  These 'lost ghosts' are historical figures, which will not only teach the children interesting facts and also feature a letter which will be key to find a hidden clue that will show you  your final 'ghost point'. 



























For the grown ups the trail is may not be as exciting as far as a ghost hunt goes, but it still can provide you with interesting sightseeing while rediscovering the local attractions.




The ghost trail took us all the morning to do and was enjoyable. After my children found the ghosts, all the little pieces of information about fun historical facts  were oddly  remembered! Also, if you love the city and know other facts you can also pitch in and teach them a little more!

At the end of the ghost trail you can also claim a prize. You just need to fill up and return the map in the last spot of the trail, which will be known once you are done collecting all the clues. 
All the search and ghost finding gave the kids a true sense of fulfilment  as they got a prize at the end! These were masks that they had fun scrapping and discovering different colours.

Now, this school break is almost over. Only one more weekend and school will resume. I know that once it starts I will miss the  kids, but not sure I will miss the stress of...what are we doing today???


29 October 2019

We had a mini Ghost Hunt!



Half term break is here and that means that parents, me included are on the lookout for activities to do with little ones! Today I created a mini ghost hunt, which I did with my little ones! I hope I inspire you to do your  hunt at home. In the past I did an egg hunt with the kids, and since Halloween is here, I decided to change the theme for a more 'Halloweeny' one, and here is our very own Ghost hunt!

I used materials that I already had in my craft cabinet, so I haven't spent  any money at all in this project.

If you are thinking about making a similar hunt, here are the materials I used in the little felt ghosts:
Felt (colours I used, blue, light and dark grey, cream)
Embroidery thread
Embroidery Needle

...and for the little signalling ghosts:
Card (different colours, for ghosts and arrows)
Duck-tape
Scissors
Black pen
colouring pencils
Wooden skewer


I first started to make my little felt ghosts with different colours:




These took some time to make, but if you google alternatives some paper suggestions come up. I decided to make them in felt  because I hosted my ghost hunt outdoors, so felt seemed more appropriate given the  more humid and cold weather. I also think that with young children having felt ghosts would mean then these would be reusable in the future, either as soft toys (and they were already playing with each one that I finished), or simply as decorations.  If you are having an indoors ghost hunt making paper ghost are much quicker and easy to make. I made 9 felt ghosts altogether and this was the most laboured task of this process. I planed to make more (12 little felt ghosts) but as it was taking me so long to make this, I cut the number short. However, and given how fast the kids found them - it took this hunt around 10 minutes, I would advise for a larger number of ghosts (the initial 12). This is a balance between having a hunt to take some time, but not so much to bore the kids. Also, making the ghosts really difficult to find would not work, the kids would be discouraged, and not forgetting that this was for children of different ages, my little one is only 2! However, if I am considering that the kids were engaged in this whole process, it actually took us the whole morning doing this...

Then I made the signalling ghosts. These were very easy to make and my little ones helped me with the cutting and with the colouring.



These designs where inspired from the internet, and were really simple to make. 
After cutting and colouring, it was time to attach to a skewer using duck-tape. Kids also helped me with these steps.



And here it is, the final look of the signalling ghosts, the only step missing are the little arrows that I also glued over the ghosts:


All ready to stick in the garden (oops, minus the arrows)!

My oldest stick the ghosts in the garden. He was really excited with all, and helping me make these. They were engaged in this little craft project, and I let them help as much as they could. The only thing that I actually did on my own was hiding the ghosts in the garden! Otherwise they would not be having a ghost hunt....

We also made a ghost counting card, were the kids would mark once they found the different ghosts in the garden.


Once the little guys found the different ghosts and capture them, they would tick their card!

The last one to find was the this little yellow ghost...!




Both kids really enjoyed the ghost hunt. They were asking to repeat the ghost hunt tomorrow again! 

Happy hunting!

12 October 2019

Swish, Swoosh, Splosh!

Hello!

Last week I shared a few activities that are available in Southampton for young children at my favorite places, City Art Gallery and my Local libraries this Autumn. Today we went to the City Art Gallery to watch 'Swish, swoosh, Splosh!' that I mentioned in that post! 



I am so happy that we went! The day was not inviting at all, as it was really raining,  so it was so much inviting to stay in and just slumber around... However, it is not always that we have an aooportunity to go for free to the theatre, so we gathered the wellies our umbrellas and adventured outside and off we went, to the City Art Gallery! And I am so glad we did! This show was really educational activity besides entertaining. It ticked all the things it advertised it would do, plenty of interaction, makaton, multi sensory play and it really taught the children about the dangers of plastic to the ocean life.

Unfortunately, I was not able to take many pictures of the event, firstly because there were loads of children there... and secondly because my children were inquisitive and  asking for my attention... Still, I was able to get some quick shots:




The decoration was simple but effective, there was not doubt that it represented the sea! Both Kidos quickly made the connection, and were able to follow the story and all that was happening. The was a clear connection of colours used in the set, although subtle. All plastic and human things were orange, while the rest was mostly blue and green. Even the actors when portraying human roles where using the black t-shirts with human splashed in orange... When portraying the animals, not only they were using the puppets as they would dress up in blue and green outfits.

The event started by offering the children little paper fishes for them to colour, that would later on be part of the set:



This was an excellent activity to start the show, as it engaged us, the audience as part of the show preparation!

The story was really simple, the main characters were Olive the turtle, Blue the sting-ray and Dotty the fish, all puppets and really cute puppets! They all lived in the coral reef and attended the coral community centre for several activities!   These activities were all opportunities for the actors to engage with the audience, there was Bingo!, Zumba, and a Quiz. All the children were eager to answer and participate in everything. 

During the show there was loads of music, and if it was cheerful and happy when the main characters were happy, the tone changed to a little more eerie when any form of plastic made an appearance in the coral. Both my children quickly learned that the animals were in really danger when the plastic was around, the could misunderstand it for other animals, and be trapped in the nets. This story shows all this through the use of the puppets. Olive the turtle got caught in the net left by humans...And only humans could help Olive in the end. Children quickly volunteered to help the turtle, and lift the net! They also helped to clean the ocean off the plastic. The actors also used makaton when telling the story, so I was also to pick up some sign language. 

The story was simple, and I know that my children were understand the dangers of plastic. On the way home they were still talking about it! The event also gave the audience several ideas and activities to do with the children re-using plastic, as making little fishes out of plastic bottles, or kites out of plastic bags.

Overall this was a good event! Hoping that the City Art Gallery will be offering more of these!What about you, how did you spent Saturday?



07 October 2019

My Monday baking: Black Forest Gateau




Hello!

So it is my husband's birthday, and he is reaching a milestone, turning 40! As this is a special birthday to celebrate he had a special request for his birthday cake, a Black Forest gateau... I already attempted to bake a Black Forest two years ago, and found a recipe on BBC Good Food that worked really well.  I went a little overboard now, as this is a 40th birthday I decided that the cake should have more layers, 1 for each decade! So we ended  with a very tall cake, with four tiers.... The very rest I kept the same, just added more details on the presentation, as my chocolate leaves. I really enjoy experimenting new techniques, and this time around I attempted at drawing with melted chocolate. These were the ones that were a little bit more troublesome for me to make, as it was my very first attempt at moulding chocolate, so I had to wait a bit until I had the right texture to mould and then created the leave shape. Before I did googled how to make chocolate leaves, and found many tutorials available... I didn't quite follow  any specifically, I just took several tips and then made my own leaves. Many tutorials use actual leaves as moulds, and others draw the leaves on paper using forks. Since I didn't have any leaves handy at home, or was feeling like going leaf hunting outside, I decided to free draw my chocolate leaves on aluminium paper, and use the flexibility of the aluminum foil paper to mould the leave, and then just put in on them the fridge... In the end I had these little chocolate leaves:



For me, the the greatest difficulty of the Black Forest is the assembly. You have to prepare before hand the cherry jammy, and the double cream. So, after the cakes are cold, they are layered with double cream and cherry jammy, ending with final spread of chocolate. 

Layering 4 tiers for me was difficult. I was feeling like I would probably  end up with a Pizza tower... So getting the right balance and making sure that the layers were even for me was very tricky. I started by considering my chocolate cake sponges shape, I had two sponges that were uneven, and had to balance the shapes between them. If the bottom cake was little bit higher in the right, I made sure that the second cake layer was a little bit higher on their left side, so they would balance each other. I was lucky, as I had two chocolate sponges that were even, and two chocolate sponges uneven but did balance each other. After layering chocolate sponges, cream and jammy cherry and the chocolate spread I had this little cake tower:



I left it as you can see, as I was enjoying this perfect shapes and the handmade touch. And I was still missing  chocolate leaves and the fruit. The final step was all about decoration. I had some cherries that haven't used in the jammy, strawberries and raspberries to use in the cake.
To attach the chocolate leaves to the cake I use the the leftover of my chocolate spread.  




And a final touch of powder sugar and we're done! This picture does show my fears of having a pizza tower for cake... However I did manage to get that fixed! Just added more fruit!
I used a lot of red fruits,  by savouring this chocolate cake and these berries, you enjoy a lovely contrast between the strong chocolate flavour and the red fruits. 


And it's finish, a very yummy Black Forest Gateau ready to go to the birthday celebration!

02 October 2019

Looking for activities for your children to do in Southampton?

I have a few suggestions... I hope you find them useful!

The new academic year has started and alongside so did my search for activities to do with the kidos. Not everyday we have free activities available as #RailOpenDay... ! 
I am always looking for different activities for my children to do, as diverse and nearby as possible! And.... that don't put a hole in my wallet... With Autumn, even though the splashing on poodles is a favorite pastime for them both, there's a limit to do this and we do have to diversify and find activities to do indoors. Having two kids with different ages, as my oldest will reach 6 this year and my youngest 3, keeping both entertained and busy can be a challenge. And again, I have to be sensible budget wise. It can be expensive to go to enjoy soft play everyday... However, I do have some go to places that can offer activities for heir different needs and preferences, and mostly that are free or not so expensive! One is my very own favorite, my local library!

I have been creating a schedule with weekly offers from my local libraries. I have discovered for a while now that  local libraries were offering 'story times' and 'rhyme times' for the children. 'Rhyme time' is designed for the younger ones, it's basically a singing group for children younger. 'Story time' as the name is indicative, a story is read by a staff member or a volunteer to the children attending the session.  These singing and reading activities are pretty handy when I am feeling uninspired about what to do with my little ones particularly during raining days since they are happening indoors. 

Since the library also has other spaces for reading, drawing and even playing, even if one of the kids is not so much into the session there are other things for them to do. In the meantime  I also can also find some new reads for me! win-win!  
I am sharing this schedule on my post and I hope you can find it helpful:

Library Activities
Do keep in mind that I found these schedules at the Southampton city council website, so if you are using it, do check with your local library beforehand. For my local library they were correct, but I cannot be certain that they are for all libraries. Also, bear in mind that unusual circumstances may force some sessions not to happen.

These sessions are free to attend...., and they are also  great to meet parents with children similar age as your kids. Most people who attend these Rhyme and Story sessions do so regularly, so in no time you can find yourself chatting with other parents.

The city art gallery is my other favourite go to place for activities to do with my children. During the Summer we went there for several artistic activities! That was where the Big drawing event happened too.

This Autumn term the City Art Gallery is  offering every third Saturday of the month the 'Mini Monets' club. This is happening from 11Am to 12PM on the 21st of September, 19th of October, 23rd of November and 21st of December. However, these sessions are not free and you also need to Pre-Book. The 'Mini-Monets' are sessions for children from 2-6 years, where they can explore the gallery and get messy! I am trying to go to these sessions for some time with my youngest. 
Once I am able to attend, I will write on my blog about our experience! These sessions are designed for children to explore, they will be using lots of materials and methods to create art pieces. A plus about this is that I don't have to clean up any mess my kid made afterwards! My youngest is quite keen on experimenting with paints, the  messier he gets the happiest, so  I am expecting these sessions to be perfect for him. I am becoming more reluctant in enabling this messy play at home, mostly because of either the huge amount of cleaning I have to do or the huge amount of control I have to do, to prevent the art play to get out of hand. So, I am really excited to try these sessions with him. I always endeavour to enable his creativity and since I am aware that I am not allowing the paints out as much with him - they are pretty much hiding at the moment - these sessions are a great alternative to enable his 'artistic flair'.   

If your child is older, the City art gallery is offering 'The Young ones' sessions, for children from 7-13 years. They can discover several art techniques as monoprinting, wire working, clay, mixed media and more. These sessions are happening from 10:30Am -12:30PM on the 28th September, 26th October, 16h November, 14th December and 11th January. Dress for mess in either session! These sessions are not free unfortunately, and pre-booking is essential. Find more here.

The City Art Gallery is also offering a one-off event on Saturday, the 12th October, from 11:00AM to 11:45AM: 'Swish, Swoosh, Splosh', theatre for children under 6 years. This event is free to attend, however you need to Pre-Book.  I am quite curious about this theatre experience, and will definitely attend with my youngest. It is advertised a 'playful multi sensory exploration of life underwater and the positive ways in which we can reduce plastic in the ocean'.  I am  quite curious and excited about how this will be materialised as a children theatre play. Find more here

I hope these events helped you and you children! Do you have a favourite go to place to have some fun with your kids? Do let me know!

30 September 2019

#RailOpenDay

This past Saturday, 28th September, we attended the #RailOpenDay at the Northern Line Facilities, in Southampto, find more here. This is part of the rail week events, which are happening all around the UK.  We have to stress how our kidos that are absolutely crazy about trais, so this event was impossible for us to miss. This was actually my partner's idea, he was the one who stumbled upon on the advert for the open day, and signed all of us to attend. This was a brilliant idea really, as both kids absolutely loved it!


I had no idea that the open day would be offering so many activities. We arrived around 14h30, and we stayed there for hours! During the whole afternoon, we were walking around trains, learning more about them, and I have also to say that the staff that was working the Open Day was absolutely friendly and lovely...

One of the activities that we could do was having our names featuring on the trains:


No my name is not there, but as you can see Patricia had her name featuring on the destination for a few minutes! We had our kids name there, as well and they had a laugh when saw it and realised that it was their name showing on the train! "Its my name there", they were screeching with delight, pointing at their name!

The event obiously was all about trains, so there were trains all around and it was impressive to actually see the trains weals up and close! They are massive. However, a key thing is the actual surface of the wheel that touches the train line in the size of a 50p coin... Curious! I had no idea...


We also had the chance to learn more about the innovations that are happening on the locomotives to become more eco-friendly. Siemens is attempting to de-carbonize rail, hence the creation of 'Hydrogen Hero'. There was a small locomotive that the kids could ride on. Unfortunately when our turn arrived they had run out of Hydrogen so we couldn't try it... Maybe next year!


We also had the opportunity to walk under the train, and we where able to see up and close the ins and outs of the train...
Actually, I didn't went under the train, as we had to bring the buggy with with us, so I was the one that volunteered to keep and eye on the buggy. Dad and kids did go, and learned a lot about the train's mechanics!


We Love trains! Even when walking around, under, in, all trains are brilliant, even in photos!


LEGO! This was one of the favorite stops for the kids.There was a small area that had Lego trains, a small lego train line that being used as a prop for for reading measurements of both vibration and the noise caused by trains. The kids did not care much about the readings, just the trains really, though mummy was interested in the different measurements!


The marquee outside was offering a lot of kids friendly activities as well, as face painting and my kids favorite: wood train sets. This was their favorite activity and where in the end we stayed for a very long time, the final stop of our #RailOpenDay!




Overall we had a brilliant time. The suggestion that I would make for the organisers though, is to make these events more mobility friendly. We are still using a buggy for our youngest as I mentioned earlier. He is pretty active, however he still gets tired and very now and then he still asks for a nap after lunch, and the buggy is pretty handy for this. The paths that we were using in this event were not spacious enough for a buggy to pass whilst other people were walking in the opposite direction. I had to stop several times to let people pass by me and the buggy. A nice alternative would be the offering a spot for the buggies to be parked by the organizers... !We would then be able to do many of the activities together instead of having one of us volunteering to keep an eye on the buggy too... Another point is, if walking with a buggy was pretty difficult for me to do,  I won't even imagine how people with mobility issues could circulate easily this event.  Otherwise, we really had a brilliant day! Thank you for this #RailOpenDay! We will do the event next year if possible!

What about you? How was your Saturday?