Friday´s thoughts: My baby is growing up

A couple of weeks ago I would blame my little baby for my sleepless nights. Tonight he is sleeping peacefully and quietly in his own cot , and I am still wide awake. I am exhausted and tired but yet I cannot sleep… I am still waiting, or better, hoping that he might need his mummy for some reason… But this is not happening. I should be happy, really, I really need to be resting and sleeping properly so I can finish my research, wake up tomorrow work ready. But no, I am suffering quietly, while I perceive that my little one is growing up. I asked for some sleep time,  complaint for so long for these sleepless nights… And now that I have them, I see now that secretly I was content that I was needed so intensely, even during night time. 

Sleeping on his own, and for the whole night (which never happened for 15 months) is not the only happening that made me realize that my baby is not a baby anymore, but already a toddler…:

Today he wanted to eat by himself. He refused to be spoon-fed by his mummy, he grabbed the spoon on his own and ate by himself (making a whole new level of mess along the way…)! 

He does not have a toothless smile anymore; four little milk-teeth are stubbornly showing. Yes, against my selfish mummy heart, who wanted, hoped that this baby phase would last a bit longer…

I am struggling with my mixed emotions. I am so happy while sad at the same time! 

I am so happy and proud of all his accomplishments. It´s wonderful to witness him blossom. I am so very proud of my cute baby boy – no, I am so very proud of my cute toddler!  

I am proud that he is starting to walk though he still has difficulties in keeping balance, he still needs support in order to stand up, but he is not content by just crawling around, he likes to be standing up, and is working hard on walking by himself… I can see he is striving. And I am happy to show him all that he can do, and the way to do it… yet I yearn for my baby. My sweet and little tiny baby, who craved for my cuddles all the time. I miss him so much... I love my son, terribly, but I am having a hard time realizing that he is growing up... I am having a hard time realizing that time is passing by so fast... I wish to hold close my little baby, I wish for him to stay little a little bit longer.

But no, so it´s official. My baby boy is not a baby any more, but a toddler. I guess he has been a toddler for some time now (isn´t he suppose to be a toddler after 1 year?), but only now I see that. I am not quite sure why is this hard, it´s not like he is ready to leave the nest (he will never leave the nest, right?), but is the idea that time is flying…. so very very fast! I hardly can keep up. And I am missing my little baby.

Only yesterday he was born. He was so tiny, so light... So dependent.

And now he is sleeping on his own.

Eating on his own.

Almost walking on his own! 

I don´t have a baby anymore, now I am a toddler´s mother!

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