My Sunday Photo || {The Ordinary Moments}

My Sunday Photo || {The Ordinary Moments}

.... another day.

Today has not been a good day. After what was a terrible night.

I was exhausted, but could not fall asleep. Daunting thoughts haunted my dark night. As you can imagine I am not in the highest spirits.

There are such nights and days like these, and so I am trying to follow through my exercises. These fights that I have grown accustomed too.  But it has been difficult, if not to truly be realistic and say impossible. My heavy thoughts have been winning this week. 

I am not sure what exactly is behind this long term low mood, if the pandemia, being away for such a long time from my family, the world turning more crazy, the depressing news...Or the reason is more close to home,  my work. Or all together...  Or either. Unfathomed reasons that just drag me down. 

But here I find myself, facing the PC screen and writing whilst I look deeper into myself. I do have to mind that I don't take a very deep look or I find myself drowning and unable to resurface again. It is so easy to fall pray into these deep thoughts. The medication that I started taking before pandemia  did help, I believe that I was able to reign in the thoughts, but a couple weeks back these took a darker turn, And so I have to remind myself of all the exercises I have learned and live one day at the time, take one step at the time, and divide all the big tasks into smaller ones.

One step at the time. 

One of the exercises I am doing  is actively making things that make me... I can't day happy, but at least, steer me away from the deep abyss. Making Halloween decorations, thinking about costumes for kiddos is one of them. Since  Halloween is approaching,  focusing (trying to focus...)  attention on decorations, and busied myself and kiddos when at home does make the kids happy. If only making pon-pons and little ghosts could drag out some easy laughs as do them! I find myself envying their carefree lives, and their happiness.  Kiddos are now at school. 

One step at the time. The sun is looking up and warm, make plans to what we can do today....go out, enjoy the river and the playground. Listen carefully to their laughs. And try to laugh along them. Just focus on them, their joy. 

And then wait for tomorrow. Another day rises, and hopefully it wont be low as today.

My Sunday Photo || {The Ordinary Moments}

My Sunday Photo || {The Ordinary Moments}

My Sunday Photo || {The Ordinary Moments}

My Sunday Photo || {The Ordinary Moments}

These uncertain times

I have so much to write and say. But words fail me.

Post-Lockdown UK, reaching a new height of daily new cases.

Anxiety reaching a new height as well.

I have to fight to still be able to take few steps, one little step at the time. Plan ahead for tomorrow, and focus on what you can do, what is on your power to do.

One step at the time. Live one day at the time.

My Sunday Photo || {The Ordinary Moments}

My Sunday Photo || {The Ordinary Moments}

My Sunday Photo || {The Ordinary Moments}

Missing someone

I am so sad today. This pandemia is taking so much away from me, and I am walking a thin line. A little bit out of balance and I will fall.... 

Today is Saturday, the beginning of the weekend, a time that should be re-charging, and I am fearful that will not happen. 

I lost a close family member last week. I lost my aunt, my godmother. I can't say that this was unexpected, it was not. I was told that what my aunt was withstanding a very advanced cancer, that evolved in a galloping way. Her passing was to be expected. She was under palliative care for these past weeks, and we all knew what the future would bring. Nevertheless, bereavement during covid times is for me unprecedented and... I don't know how to cope. 

I am facing bereavement apart from all my family. Since travelling is still very much impossible, I can't be mourning alongside my family. I wont be giving comfort or strength to my cousins that lost their mother, nor my father that lost his sister. Nor be receiving the comfort just by being there, together with my family.

Mourning apart means that I am not even realising the missing part.... Since I am already away and actually missing everyone. I am still digesting the news and realising that my aunt is gone.  I feel that  realisation will only happen once I am meeting everyone and she will not be there.   I will not, indeed I did not attend her funeral. I am not going through those little steps that make you close a journey that you experienced together. That help you untie your bonds, forged through the years of memories, moments, happiness, birthdays, Christmases... and yes, pain as well.

In between , now I am remembering moments I spent with her. Our Summer holidays, her artistic ways, her profound knowledge of history, and her love for our family.  This week I was remembering all those happy times I spent with her, poaching at the rocky beach, having cakes after a long warm day on the beach, even the fact that she was the one that introduced me as a child to the benefits of  large foamy long baths... This was such a long time ago, and these sweet memories are still here with me. And will always be here with me. My aunt was always there for my important moments. 

Yes, I am very much in grieve, and that's why  I am exploring and expressing these feelings on my blog.  I am losing, not only my aunt but the comfort and seeking help to cope with these feelings , with this pain with my close family. Hopefully indeed I am not alone, but my little ones  and my husband didn't know her as I did. Were not happy with her as I was... And in the end I am indeed grieving alone. And this is not a process that I am not used to.  I have experienced  loss before, my grandparents that were so  important to me.... however I never had to go through it alone. I attended their funerals. I said my good-beys.

Not the same as now, as I am far away.

Far from my  mother, my father, my brother....

I am untying the close bonds I had with my aunt alone. I don't have people around that  have met her, that know her that were close to her that can relate. That I can talk about her. That would understand this pain. 

So I am I am grieving, but unable to grieve together alongside my family. Its not only about the pain of loosing her. Its also the funeral that I missed, my opportunity to say my final goodbye. To have a sense of closure. I don't know how to recover from that. Its a loss within a loss. 

Yes, I have skype, Zoom and all these technologies that connect you with people. But somehow, all of this feels 'unconnected'. 

Detached. 

Unreal. 

My family just skyped now. But I could not express this to them... They ask how are you.... I talk... But I don't speak. I don't express this. How can I? Because this asks for a hug that I cannot receive. A kiss that I cannot give. A physical touch that cannot go through all the wireless cables. There's no replacement for the warmth that is provided by physical presence. Of sharing the same room. Of saying, and sharing my good-beys.

 This is a loss within a loss.

Good-bey my lovely aunt. I am missing you. And I will not forget you.

.....And Summer Break is here!

Hello everyone!

It has been such a long time since my last post. School is out, and summer break is here. 

Now its the time to think about what we will do during the Summer break during covid times. I know that most everyone is pretty much resuming their lives normally, but I will keep avoiding going out, and staying in as much as possible.

Yes, I am scared. I am still very much afraid. I now numbers around the south UK are looking better that most regions, but that doesn't mean we should not be alert. Covid is still very much real, and all care should be heavily sustained. It scares me that people are easing up their care, and becoming more adventurous, less distancing... And that is scary to me...

But I also understand that there are limits to staying indoors... having a measured approach to opening up and resuming a normal life is complex... My issue at the moment? I have zero confidence on how the UK government is doing this....

There's so much I have to say about this, but words do fail me. And I also don't want this post to be a breaking up of this government. This post is about me, my family... and how on earth are we going to survive this Summer break. I so need a strike of inspiration to keep going forward, keep keeping both kids happy, keep Summer fun and busy... Having a happy family as much as possible.... I usually seek guidance from the Internet, and other family's examples. But I see that most everyone now is being adventurous, going out, going on trips... And that is not something that I wish to do, you know.. for me covid is still very much out there!

So... get back to what my garden can offer! Gardening is one thing that we all did...but I think kids are getting a bit bored as there is so much growing sunflower we can do!

BBQ, oh yes, my husband will be most certainly as much as possible on grill duties...

So what suggestions do you have? Please give me a hand here...

xx

My Sunday Photo || {The Ordinary Moments}

My Sunday Photo || {The Ordinary Moments}

My Monday baking: Little buns

Are you struggling with activities to do yourself plus kids? Well what about baking? I know it may not be easier to do with two little guys, but depending the recipes  you are following it can be manageable.

I found this buns recipe online, and it is such an easy one to follow, only two ingredients, not proofing needed and its easy for my little guys to help out... both baking and eating!

Ingredients:

Yogurt

self-raising flour

salt

You just need to keep the proportion 1cup of yogurt to 1 and 1/2 cup of flour and a pinch of salt.... and mix!

Then shape a round ball of dough over a floured counter:

And divide the balls into smaller round dough balls...:

Take it to the oven 10 min 200C:

And that's about it, you'll have little buns ready!

Tasty and quick recipe to make buns ever!

the kids totally loved these, we did eat all the buns!

Hope this inspires you to bake with your little ones and get them occupied for a few min!

My Sunday Photo || {The Ordinary Moments}

Southampton Covid-19 Mutual Aid Group

How are things in your city during this pandemic?

My city , Southampton, has changed so much. Barely recognisable. Streets are more empty. High street is virtually closed. People are in lock down.

This pandemic has showed me the worse and the best people have to offer. 

The worse, just a quick view at the general policies that many governments enacted, UK included, showed how lack of preparedness has devastating consequences. Tragic, deadly consequences.

It has also showed me the best, how a concerted effort with one single selfless purpose in mind can accomplish so much. I joined a group, Southampton covid-19 Mutual Aid group. Yes, besides sewing scrubs I am also helping with other requests....

This group started with one single purpose , how can we provide help to people who are self-isolating? At the time, and this group was created over two months ago, it was clear the the government would not be doing much, and that the local government would be lacking resources to provide help to its most vulnerable citizens. And  one single person, by creating this Facebook group, was able to gather more like minded individuals wanting to help, and alongside its army of  growing numbers of volunteers more efforts were raised.  What is really important, is recognising the concept behind it, 'mutual aid'. If as a group we understand that this pandemic does not affect everyone equally - there are some people who are more vulnerable, most importantly the way that we offer support will reflect this. However, it also understands that if we are helping today, we, the members and volunteers of this group, might need help in the future. Therefore this group is about building networks based in deep trust  that will support our communities during this crisis  -  and who knows, maybe even after it!   

Altogether, our group of volunteers were able to create an isolation hotline 07923353365, that is open daily from 8am-8pm. Organically organised, our mutual help group  works daily  and continues to help so many people in Southampton. Volunteers working together apart, by using Facebook groups and WhatsApp, are able to coordinate callers that need help with either prescription pick ups, shopping, dog walking  or just by calling and keeping a lonely person some company over the phone... Our power to help did increase, as we are also able to provide financially struggling people with food boxes. Our hotline volunteers are able to generate food vouchers that are later presented at the local food banks and our caller will receive a food box that will provide them food for one week. And once the food banks are closed (they close by 15h), we have  emergency packages, again generated by the generosity of our volunteers that regularly collect food to later distribute among the people who need it.

And through this group, and working side by side with so many wonderful people  I did recover some hope in the future. The selflessness, the generosity, the kindness of every single individual that is working within this group does not cease to impress me. I am so proud of what we accomplished together, and really glad to see this kindness and the momentum it creates. This is only possible with team work functioning. How do we work?

We have coordinators that manage a pool of volunteers, that are organised by Southampton's council wards:

All this wards have their own Whats App managed by a local coordinator, that posts the request that the hotline receives. This hotline volunteer will answer a call, a text or even whats App message, and annotates the caller's general information  and what he needs help with. This generates a request, that is received by the local Whats App group coordinators. For instances, the coordinator for Harefield ward,  receives a request,  that Mr. S needs a prescription pick up from Lloyd's. This coordinator posts on Harefield Whats App group ' help needed for a prescription pick up from Lloyds'. Within minutes, a volunteer offers to help,  further information is provided privately  to this volunteer, that collects the prescription and delivers it to the caller. Our deliveries follow  guidelines, so each group has a delivery protocol to make the drops of medicines and shopping safely. No volunteer will ever enter the caller's premises, and we are working closely with Southampton City Council, as So:Linked to assure that both caller's and volunteers have the best help available in hand. 

Today the main Facebook group has over 6200 members, the group also has 79 local coordinators and around 300  volunteers actioning requests. Since the group started, we have completed over 2200 requests. That means over 2200 acts of generosity, kindness and selfless care, from strangers, to help strangers. 

This helped me through this very weird and anxious time. Witnessing that so many people are still out there, caring and helping the next one made realise kindness is still very present in our world today. It made me relax and be a little bit less anxious. Just a little bit. 

Find out more here: Southampton Covid19 Mutual Aid Group  

If you would like to contribute you can do so via the Open Collective: SCMAG

NHS: For the love of scrubs

I haven't touched my sewing machine for such a long time now. For so many reasons, but the main one being... no time at all. My priorities however changed a bit lately, as the works shifted abruptly and dramatically with this pandemic.  I have to do a little to help out. And so, my sewing machine left its catacombs and I joined several Facebook groups as a volunteer, For the love of scrubs and a local one, #teamscrubbers.  Have to say there really is an army sewing non-stop to help our struggling NHS. To say  their needs is dire is not enough. As a volunteer I receive daily requests to make more scrubs.

Many years have been since I last sewed! I didn't even remember how to thread it! 

But slowly that knowledge resurfaced, I fed the machine with beautiful green thread and here we go... Firstly, lets try to understand the pattern. The main group luckily had free patterns, and I contacted several companies to print out patterns to distribute along our members. I have to acknowledge the generosity and the help that so many companies are providing our volunteers, by contacting companies by email I was able to source over 10 large prints of the pattern that were distributed to our seamstresses!

So cutting is a large and time consuming bit of the sewing process. Luckily for my next batch of scrubs I wont bee needing to cut, as once again companies aided and a local company laser cut the fabric so I will only have to stitch the pieces together.

Fist step, zigzag so that the fabric doesn't frail... After re-read both tutorial and pattern again.

Stitch pockets... Iron a lot!

Making the neckline was my favourite bit. I had the chance to try out edge stitching. The learning curve process never stops.

And a new way to use my never ended Happy Easter embroidery! I know, it has been so long since I started. And yes, for a crafter-wannabe I never got the chance to make my own pin cushions... Maybe in a few years...

The neckline is a complicated process, we have to stitch, turn cut some nudges, flat iron...

.. and edge stitch.

Edge stitching... Have to say the photos of this post were taken... over 2 weeks! It took me over two weeks to make three sets of scrubs. This next photo was taken a couple days later, still night sewing...

This is my first garment. Really proud of it, even it has so many... many flaws, but mostly because I challenged myself to try out new things and finished it!

I wanted to add a little piece of my flair to the scrub, hoping that whoever receives it knows that it was made from my love of our NHS. And one first of many  mistakes, I stitched the label on the wrong side of the scrub:

And then hemming the sleeves... And that's almost one first top done.

And then the trousers....

I cannot stress how long it took me to make these stets. I do mean how time consuming this process was for me...  It appears easily on photos but the turning and the running around looking for the right pieces when the cutting is done can't be caught on photos... Nor the time staring at the machine thinking... is this the right side??

One piece of advice, kids chalk work wonders to identify both front and back sides... 

Line the trousers, and yes, the back side has a chalk legend as well... Also, coffee... Lots of coffee was consumed alongside the stitching.

Merging the trousers together is not easy at all.... Particularly if you are deciding to use the wrong side to do it.....

And here are three pairs ready to be stitched together.

And again my heart label.

Almost done. just needing to make some buttonholes to thread the cotton thread. 

My buttonholes are terrible looking. I trained before making these, and I cannot stress how an improvement was made. Still these are looking quite terrible!

And the end result. Three sets of scrubs waiting for a NHS staff member to use them. Just pressing to finish these and send them out!

Everyone deals with this pandemic and lock-down differently. I feel that the little I can do is use whatever skills I have to help out, this case by attempting to make scrubs. It does calm down my anxiety, and keeps those unhelpful thoughts away. 

What about you, how are you dealing with this situation?