I don't know if it's just me, or if anybody else feels the same, but it has been difficult for me to keep up with all these crazy world, and how.... Its so very difficult to express... Again I find myself drowning in fear.
I know that some thoughts result from my anxiety, but its also more than that.
I feel that this world is drowning in chaos and pandemonium. Getting sense that disregard for your fellow humans near and far is at large.
I am feeling so scared for the future. For my two little kids future. Years ago, when these little two were far thoughts in my mind I was hopeful for the world. When both were born we were so very happy. So very, very happy and confidant about the world and their future.
The past two years slowly eroded my confidence away. And of lately with the latest coronavirus news and the way that the way these pandemic is progressing, as the actions that any government and the humanity in general are taking is snipping my last thread of confidence and hope.
I have nowhere to look to find some shred of light. I am trying to keep my feet grounded and concentrate on the laughs my children share with me. At the same time these same laughs are hurtful because I am afraid that they will be stolen away. That a virus might stroke too near and embodied someone we love. And then these scary news that are still far away are right by our door.
Some scary news are already by our door. They have yet to be perceived by these two little guys, or so we think, but it just takes a few steps into our supermarket to feel that something is different. Mummy why are there so many empty shelves?
Our attention to how well our hands are cleaned. How often we are cleaning them.
Our attention to the way we cough.
Mummy what are you thinking?
My thoughts again are drowning me.
My fear again is rampaging. At the same time I know I have to keep sanity around us and not show any panic. This is starting to be more difficult to me.
I feel that I can't stretch my sanity much further.
I am following with dread the dramatic stories of what is happening in Italy. And now, with yesterday's press conference from our current prime minister I am far from reassured. I am scared as many people that surround me keep saying the same: 'be calm'. And I want to scream 'I am calm'! Do not misinterpret me, to be scared is quite different from not being calm. I am calm, I am also very afraid. And that is because I profoundly distrust current governments. The beginning of the speech that I listened yesterday said 'loved ones will be removed from us too soon'. This was quite revealing. Many of us will be gone, will not survive this disease. I am quite aware of that. Tragic numbers today in Italy show over 1000 deaths. News that many health workers in Italy past away were also quite real revealing the dramatic situation existing in hospitals caring for the current over 10000 sick people. This is the fight that will soon reach us. And I don't think we are ready. Far from it. The speech yesterday revealed a government that gave up containing Covid-19 and is already embracing a tragedy that I believe that we could fight. The unfairness that the vulnerable ones are who will suffer more enrages me. It shows a very callous government that is counting their demise. What enrages me more is the fact that this could still be avoidable.
I am surprised that when facing this horrid scenario I am still calm. Yes, I do hope that we all keep calm with this impending struggle. Be serene, be kind. I hope that we can serenely face this together and overcome this pandemic. Maybe that will bring me some hope in the future.
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